tellurikwaves Blog : CINEMA :Les blessures narcissiques d'une vie par procuration

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p33

01/06/2014 06:01 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p33

01/06/2014 06:01 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p32

01/06/2014 05:55 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p32

01/06/2014 05:55 par tellurikwaves

Battleship is easily the best stupid movie I've seen since Armageddon
10/10
Author: Simon O'Neill from Malawi
10 November 2012

*** This review IS a spoiler ***

Battleship is easily the best stupid movie I've seen since Armageddon - it is infinitely better than every Transformers(mwouai pas difficile Transformers est une daube absolue) movie ever regurgitated onto the screen (apart from the Cartoon Transformers one from the 80's).

Battleship it is the romantic story of how a 26 year old former high school jock John Carter, with no qualifications or experience, ends up in charge of a giant battleship because Eric from True Blood is his brother & he runs a battleship.High School Jock John Carter and has to destroy an alien invasion in order to impress Naval Commander Liam Neeson so he can marry his really hot daughter that wore that yellow bikini in Just Go With It - he does this by letting Japanese people do everything for him.

They use a grid showing the surrounding floating Tsunami alert devices (because the aliens disabled the radar you see) to actually play the game 'battleships' and blow up the aliens using complete guess work & then they ask Old retired war veteran people to borrow their museum battleship & help them blow up Hawaii after they broke all their own battleships while playing battleships with the aliens earlier on - and then at the end he takes the credit for it all, gets a medal & goes for a Chicken Burrito with Liam Neeson.

Despite the fact he knows nothing of the man, Liam Neeson agrees to let him marry his really hot daughter as thanks for letting the Japanese & the old people save the world while he stood around and watched.Rhianna is in it too - but don't let that stop you watching the movie as she is like a hot version of Vasquez from Aliens - and to the movies great credit, but also to my great disappointment, at no point does the movie allude to the fact that Rhianna has breasts. Amazing Wonderous Breasts.

Also that freaky little guy from Ghostbusters II that plays the museum director Dr Janosz ("The joyfulness is over!") plays the President of the USA - what's not to like here?

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p31

01/06/2014 05:49 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p31

01/06/2014 05:49 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p30

01/06/2014 05:47 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p30

01/06/2014 05:47 par tellurikwaves

Everything you could want in an action film.
5/10
Author: Paul Alexander
7 April 2013

*** This review contain spoilers ***

So, your a super duper advanced race of hip-hop goatee wearing bald orange alien dudes and you have just had your planet not only attacked by a fantastic communications device that spews laser beams but which has also been horrifically named. Enough to annoy anyone. So off you set with 5 space craft armed only with mortar rounds, soldiers armed with tin openers and a special kind of glass covering the bridge of your ship that can remain structurally intact during deep space flight and atmospheric entry but is useless against the power of the bullets of a barrett 50 cal sniper rifle fired from the front end of a ship.

Anyway, en-route to said planet your only form of communication, a communications ship (who would have thought of putting some form of ET phone home mobile phone system on each one?!) is taken out, ironically by a satellite. Now, at this point you would have thought that seeing as you have gone to hassle of developing deep space flight and some form of advanced analytical radar system to work out where this mystical laser beam has come from and that it is in fact a deep space communications array...you would wack on the space brakes, about face and fly on over to it and send a signal to send in the rest of the fleet to destroy and plunder.

If this would have happened, then this pointless yet Stallone level of epicness of an action film would have never have been made. Other underlying themes are: 1) if your disabled you still have the power to beat aliens up. 2) if your old you still have a purpose and that purposes is to swear lots and to blow aliens up. 3) if your a woman you can crash cars to blow aliens up. 4) long seated cultural and political differences can be ignored to blow aliens up. 5) everyone looks cool with guns, but only if you are using them to blow aliens up. 6)rihanna can only defend herself when she is blowing aliens up. 7)English rock bands make the American navy look good when they are blowing aliens up.

And remember aliens if you arrive on this earth with advanced technologies that you have used to destroy your own planet in a barrage of what can only be nuclear weapons don't attack us with our simple weapons. No no, head to Miami with your cool floaty bouncy space boats and party with them ladies.

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p29

01/06/2014 05:42 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p29

01/06/2014 05:42 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p28

01/06/2014 05:25 par tellurikwaves

Š-DR-BATTLESHIP de Peter Berg (2012) p28

01/06/2014 05:25 par tellurikwaves

This movie isn't what it pretends to be! See beneath the Macho clichés and you will find an awesome movie.
7/10
Author: Sevenixx from Sweden
5 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I saw the trailers for the movie and expected another Transformers, SFX for all your money. When I started watching the movie though I noticed something wasn't just right. Why don't the aliens to more Bad things? We are supposed to hate them, they are here to take over our world, Right?Nope. And this is where this movie actually Shines, and the reason it gets so many bad reviews is that people miss out on 2 very important facts.

Aliens are the Good Guys

Humans are the Bad Guys.

The movie just makes quite a good job with camouflaging this in regular Blockbuster Cheesiness. The movie is a direct documentation about how hellish and pointless war is.

1.Humans in the movie are very aggressive and dumb. Our Main hero is a guy who should never have been put in command of anything! And here he gets to greet our first ever contact with aliens, using Guns, Cruise Missiles and Torpedoes!

2. Aliens never want to hurt anyone. The Aliens Are Passive, Never firing unless first fired upon. The point is made extra clear with the scene where a DeathBall stops in front of a child, re-planning its route in order to destroy the highway without harming the child. How Much Clearer Can It Get?

3. Aliens have no Military Grade Weapons. This is another point where people seem to watch this movie expecting the regular Blockbuster, and then hate this movie because it isn't! The Aliens didn't expect a war so they didn't Bring Weapons!

The Satchel-Bombs they fire of their ships are actually terrible as weapons, the only reason they work at all is because we humans have such slow ships. This is probably because these bombs aren't designed for any sort of ship to ship battle, but rather for clearing up debris. And what we see on a personal level is an engineering tool the aliens seems to use a lot more for setting up their generators than to actually fight with.

This is NOT your classic race of Evil Aliens equipped with Independence-Day Lasers, or Corrosive "Aliens" Blood! This is a peaceful advanced race, which came here not expecting to fight, but to talk.Once you realize this the movie starts making sense. what our "hero" does is in fact to constantly seek out conflict. Doing everything he can in order to destroy these Aliens, all because of some miscommunication and stupid decisions.

If this movie teaches anything, It would definitely be that when the time comes for humans to face another, alien race. Make sure the ones we send to greet them aren't Military.

So Basically what the movie is Really about is about a peaceful race of aliens who receive a message from an apparently peaceful race. We then greet them by firing upon them, trying to kill them even if they aren't even firing at us. So when they realize their mistakes we do our best trying to prevent them from sending a "Its a trap, humans are evil" message.Regular blockbuster movies often manage to build up a mountain of evil actions on the aliens account, making the "Heroes" fight justified and true.

Battleship doesn't do that, It puts the regular Blockbuster Patriotism into a setting where it becomes totally destructive, not only preventing the Aliens and Humans to communicate, but also started a war that have already seen thousands of casualties, and may see millions more before its over.I rate the movie 7 out of 10. Its a really fresh take on the whole Evil Alien Invasion theme.